Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
