Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
