I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Found your dick twin last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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