eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
