How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
