we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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