They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
