Who wears a wallet chain?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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