Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
