I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
