tell your sister to shave her snatch
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
