I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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