What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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