is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
