He is an equal opportunity slut.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
