can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Are my feet made of real feet?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
