I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
