dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
