you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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