if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
