I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
