Don't make out with my wife yet
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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