You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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