I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
