Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
