dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
