Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
