I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
