I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
