i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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