thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
