do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
