Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
