my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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