Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
