I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
