i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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