Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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