Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
