What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
