just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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