Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
