real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
