im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
