they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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