You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i drank out of a bidet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
