What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
