don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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