Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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