You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
