When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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