Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
