her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
